Lindentreephotography

2010-10-20T21:18:00.001-07:00

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6/15/2010
Happy Camp
Hi again,

I meant to finish talking about goals last night but I was so tired I couldn’t even lift my arms. I completed a goal yesterday that I set 3 and a half years ago, before things went to crap at work, before I was diagnosed with FMS, before I really starting feeling the symptoms of pain and fatigue. I earned my blackbelt in mixed martial arts! It was one of the hardest things I have done, physically and mentally. I cried when it was done. Today, I am feeling the pain of the scrapes, bruises and a black eye. I have sore muscles in places I wasn’t even sure I had muscles. I earned my blackbelt!

There is a saying that goes, “a black belt is just a white belt that never gave up”. That’s absolutely the truth! The past couple of years have been a real struggle for me physically and mentally. When I started as a white belt, I was playing soccer on 3 indoor teams and one outdoor team. I was playing ice hockey occasionally and I had a very physical job teaching physical education to kids with disabilities at 6 different schools. In just 3 short years I have retired from soccer after 32 years. I haven’t played hockey at all. I am no longer teaching. I rarely go for long walks with friends and I don’t run anymore. The only thing I held onto was the martial arts and that was out of pure stubbornness. My husband and one daughter have already earned blackbelts. My youngest will earn hers this December. Giving up was never an option.
There have been so many days that have taken all I had mentally and physically to get myself to a class and many more when I wasn’t even able to do that. I passed on the blackbelt test last December and missed a belt test this spring because of being sick and not able to train properly. I also missed too many classes to be eligible. Yesterday, I earned my blackbelt! A new goal has been set. I will earn my first degree blackbelt!

I plan on attacking FMS in this same way. I am too stubborn to give in to it. I refuse to give up my life to it. I will fight my way back to a place where I feel healthy, to a place where I decide what my day will look like, not my body. The goal has been set. The specifics of the goal and the checkpoints along the way are yet to be determined. I will let you know when I figure that out.

-Julia

PS: I don’t get nervous about things like games or physical tests. I retreat into myself before hand and try to think things through, visualize, and calm myself. I played goalkeeper for many years, high school and college. It was something I learned to do before games. I did do some tapping before the physical test yesterday just to remain calm, to go into the process thinking about nothing except the task ahead. There were many points in the test where I wanted to give up. What helped me to stay focused and not think about the physical pain and exhaustion was to repeat the Oneness blessing over and over in my head. It calmed me. It helped me to let go of the heat, sore muscles and fatigue, to not worry about what was next, to share strength with the others in my group. To just be in the moment. And I was grateful for it.

2010-10-18T18:57:00.001-07:00

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6/12/2010

L,

I think I am generating some sort of negative field all of a sudden. First my cell phone stopped working and now my lap top is being weird.

Tapping is working ok for pain management. Haven’t taken any pain meds in a couple of days. Not been dealing with anything major though it seems like some sort of progress.

I’m trying to de-stress some of my life again. I went a major life simplifying campaign several years ago. Got both girls doing the same sport in the same place and cut out most of my evening activities. Things have slowly sneaking back in as the girls get more involved in their martial arts and school. Perhaps I need to re examine some of those priorities this summer. I decided not to sell t shirts at the girls’ tournament today. It causes me too much stress to watch and coach and try to run a booth all at the same time. It was nice to be able to relax a bit but not making any money doesn’t help in my campaign to go to Italy in September.

Going to try to get some sleep for a big day tomorrow.

2010-09-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

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6/11/2010
Home

Dear Lindsay,

I can be a tad obsessive about things. Everyone who knows me needs to stop laughing NOW! Once I get something in my head, I go 150% until I can follow it through to its end. This often goes on for days, weeks and even years!

I know how you feel about labels, that we tend to view ourselves and our experiences through the lens of that label or diagnosis. I understand that and I agree to a point. I was a special education teacher for a long time and I have a bit of a different point of view. Putting a name on something can help to tie together what would otherwise be a random set of behaviors. It can be comforting to know that what you or your child is experiencing is not craziness but something that others can relate to as well. The label gives a reference point, a place to start, a way to understand why something may be happening. It should never be used as an excuse for a behavior.

I bring this up because I had a psychologist suggest once that I may have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I doubt that a formal diagnosis was ever made so I should say that I have behaviors that may be related to ADD. It has never been a problem for me but it does help to understand what has always been a big piece of my personality. I can be a bit obsessive. Just a bit.

Most people think of persons with ADD as not being able to concentrate on one thing for very long but there is another side of it. Once something captures the attention of a person with ADD, it is often difficult to let that thing go. I see this the most in my art but it is present in just about every part of my life . If I dream up a design or have a new idea for something, I feel that I must do immediately it it or I may explode. I can’t stop thinking about it. Often I can’t sleep. It causes actual anxiety until I can finally work through the idea or complete the project. I feel that way about this project right now. I am constantly writing and rewriting these letters in my head until I can’t stand it any more and need to write it out. In the end, it is helping me to put it all down on virtual paper.

Whatever you think about helping with this project it will continue in some form or another until I feel that I have said what I need to say. I dearly hope that, at its conclusion, it will be worthwhile to someone else. Of course, an email or feedback from a certain actress would keep me going in the right direction.

Love!

2010-09-22T20:59:00.001-07:00

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6/10/2010

Dear Lindsay.

Finally a day where I feel back to normal. Not that my normal is anywhere near where I want to be or where I was before. A normal day now is one where I get what I need done but not much more. Kids to school and dogs to park. To the couch for a couple of hours then pick up kids and take them where they need to go. Maybe a nap. Dinner is often an afterthought. Rarely get upstairs to do any of my art. On days that I care, it can be frustrating and boring. Today is not one of those days.

Exercise last night and a good walk at the dog park this morning has helped me immensely. Not getting weepy when I talk about the weekend. Drove all of those raw feelings out of me I guess. Or maybe I’m just too tired to worry any more. I am very sore today but it’s a better kind of sore. My biggest issue is that I have a huge lumpy bruise on the pinky side of my left hand. Tap. Ow. Tap. Ow. Tap. Ow.

Later…

2010-09-18T17:01:00.001-07:00

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6/10/2010

A Lesson on Fibromyalgia
By J.D. Hosack MS (almost)

“Fibromyalgia (pronounced fy-bro-my-AL-ja) is a common and complex chronic pain disorder that affects people physically, mentally and socially. Fibromyalgia is a syndrome rather than a disease. Unlike a disease, which is a medical condition with a specific cause or causes and recognizable signs and symptoms, a syndrome is a collection of signs, symptoms, and medical problems that tend to occur together but are not related to a specific, identifiable cause.

Fibromyalgia, which has also been referred to as fibromyalgia syndrome, fibromyositis and fibrositis, is characterized by chronic widespread pain, multiple tender points, abnormal pain processing, sleep disturbances, fatigue and often psychological distress. For those with severe symptoms, fibromyalgia can be extremely debilitating and interfere with basic daily activities.”
National Fibromyalgia Association
http://www.fmaware.org/site/PageServer?pagename=fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia effects millions of Americans, most often diagnosed in women in their 30’s and 40’s but it can effect men and children as well. There are no tests for FMS (fibromyalgia syndrome). It is often difficult to diagnose as patients report random symptoms and often all of the pieces of the puzzle are not present at any one time. Basically, it is a diagnosis of exclusion. Numerous blood tests are done and all come back normal. Often the patient is healthy but still reports pain, fatigue, depression, insomnia and often trouble concentrating or short term memory problems (commonly referred to as fibro fog). Ultimately, FMS is diagnosed as a last resort. The one and only “test” is to touch certain spots throughout the body referred to as “trigger points”. A person will react to 11 of 18 of these spots if they have fibromyalgia. The reaction is extreme for the amount of pressure applied. The feeling is often described at an electric jolt and a pain that lingers for minutes or more.
Treatment for FMS often includes anti depressants, pain medication, sleep medication, and physical therapy. Fibromyalgia is as debilitating socially as it is physically. People with FMS are often considered lazy, complainers and hypochondriacs. It is difficult to explain exactly what is wrong to someone who does not have FMS causing strain in marriages and friendships as well as at work.

I read a writer’s thoughts on FMS on a blog a while back. I wish I could remember where so I can give credit. It gave a pretty accurate description of what fibromyalgia can feel like.. Although the author nailed it, I am going to embellish a tad because I don’t think her language was quite strong enough.
Imagine you are going to have a party in your home. You invite 100 people. You have 10 friends who promise that they will come over the day of the party and do the cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc. The night before the party, you are so anxious that it takes you hours to get to sleep. Even when you do sleep, you wake every 2 or 3 hours with something that you have forgotten to do. In the morning you wake up stiff and sore. Your body aches. You have no energy. Your head hurts. And now you have a kink in your neck. One by one, your friends call to say they won’t be coming to help you. Your guests will be here in an hour and you have nothing done. Your husband is angry and doesn’t understand that you don’t feel well. All you want to do is crawl into a corner and cry. You are going to repeat this whole thing scenario tomorrow. This could go on for days or weeks. You never know when this day will come again. This is going to be your life from now on.

All of this I know from personal experience. I was diagnosed with FMS 2 ½ years ago. I was lucky. My doctor put the puzzle together relatively quickly. But that, my friend, is a story for another letter.

2010-09-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

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6/9/2010
Welcome to Crazy Town USA

Hi Again,

How am I supposed to do this in the middle of all of this chaos. Trying to get Linden ready for school. Got to be early today because I need to open the store. Jeanne comes down. What are you doing here? Ugh. Bob forgot to wake her up. She’s already an hour late. Got to get her there before the bus leaves for the Junior Rose Parade. Don’t have time to drop her and Linden. She’s got 5 minutes. Why is she in the shower? Trying to tap. Can’t concentrate. Both girls want me. Dogs are jumping on me with wet feet. Gotta make lunches. Don’t have time for this. Crap. Now my neck hurts. Why is Jeanne lecturing Linden about where to get off the bus? Doesn’t she know? No time for the park. Cynthia is going to worry. No cell phone to remind them I’m not there on Wednesdays. Got the girls to school. Hope there’s no traffic on 84. Nothing to drink? I know better than that! Anxiety! Need a parking place in the where I won’t hit anybody. Not too late. Got the store open. Neck is killing me. Nothing for pain. Subway gave me diet Coke? Don’t they know I can’t drink that! Finally I can sit and relax. Why does my hand hurt? Great. Cuts in my palm from digging my nails in. It helps in the moment but its got to stop! Where is my miracle cure?

I'm going to do some tapping while the store is empty then watch some me Bionic Woman online. Please don’t bother me unless you’re here to buy cards!

-Julia

PS I can’t leave you hanging like that. I did do some tapping on the pain this morning. My neck still stiff and sore if I move but the burning pain has gone away. Left a cold feeling in its place. Weird. I feel totally drained, kind of a drugged feeling. Linden has an audition this afternoon but now I feel like I can handle a return trip to Portland. Will try to get some excercise tonight. Tomorrow will be easier.

Linden and I went through some tapping before her audition. She said it helped and she wasn’t shy at all and even little bit silly. She was pretty excited about how it made her feel. I did some training for the run, push ups and sit ups for my blackbelt test before class tonight. It went better than I thought I would after sitting on my butt all weekend. There may be hope for Sunday after all. Feels so good to be physically exhausted instead of emotionally. Feeling really free right now. Yay for endorphins. My body will probably be telling a different story in the morning.

Take care,

-Julia

2010-09-10T15:18:00.000-07:00

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6/8/2010
Dear Lindsay,

Back at home

Hi again. Not really intending to send this letter but I am pretty stuck on this idea of writing to you so I need to put it all down so I can let it go. Maybe it will become something. Maybe I’ll get it out of my system in a couple of days when I calm down. Don’t worry, I’m not going to inundate you with emails. Don’t even know what you might think about the whole project. I’m hoping but not really expecting. Anyway, I’m home now. I’m not a nervous flyer but I was doing some tapping just to deal with, what my Dr. calls, “free floating anxiety”. The lady next to me probably thought I was loon but I’m strangely OK with that. Definitely need to find a way to disguise the process. Its pretty good until the chicken wing thing.

Things were so simple in Ontario. Well, not really because I was struggling with the process but I saw so much hope in the simplicity of EFT. Just do it. Work on it. It will eventually get better. I can do that.

Things aren’t quite that easy at home. I came home to my regular schedule of pick ups and drop offs. Three kids going six different directions. Dogs freaking because they haven’t been to the park in four days. A mail box full of over due bills and overdraft statements. Tap tap tap. I can’t drive and do this. Crap. Picking at my nails and now pinching. The picking is normal. The pinching is extreme. I think I am so much more aware of the anxiety right now. Its not your fault but I still feel pretty raw from the weekend. No way to distract myself with knitting or games on my phone. I feel like I need to lock myself in the bathroom and tap all night. One , two and three times is not going to be enough right now. Nobody here to help. No calming aura I can tap into. I feel very much alone right now. I think I shall be working on that while at the girls’ music lessons tonight.

Don’t worry.

Love,
-Julia

A quick note on self injury:

Self injury such as pinching, head banging, biting and cutting are used by people in moments of emotional distress. It’s a form of self medication like alcohol, drugs, over eating, or anything that causes an intense physical response. The basic idea is that physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain. The person will induce pain in order to focus on that sensation instead of the feelings that are troubling them. For me, I use pinching when I feel overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety. I’ve seen head banging and biting frequently when working with children with autism. Many people with autism, especially those who are non verbal, deal with a huge amount of stress, anxiety and confusion in their lives. Without a way to communicate their needs, they internalize to the point where they will either strike out or turn to self abuse to deal with those feelings. Cutting is the same idea but is the extreme. It is most often seen in teenage girls but more boys are starting to cut as well as younger children and adults. When they cut, people often take a knife or razor blade to the inside of their arms or legs and cut to the point of drawing blood. Because it is so extreme, cutting is often a sign of depression and should be addressed by a mental health professional immediately. Without help, kids will continue to cut more frequently until even that no longer works. Many cutters will eventually try to commit suicide.

The Letters

2010-09-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

If you are new to this thread, please go back to http://lindentreephotograph.blogspot.com/2010/08/its-that-time-again.html to start. It will make more sense.

Below are the letters that I have written since attending Lindsay Wagner's Quiet the Mind, Open the Heart workshop in Ontario California.

6/8/2010
Somewhere over
Northern California

Hi Lindsay,

I am writing a first draft here and I have no idea if I will ever send it or not. First things first. I want to say thank you for what you do. Your passion and enthusiasm is contagious and your demeanor is so calm and loving that it feels safe to open up to you. I also really appreciated even the few private minutes you were able to give me. I know you understand that the intensity and tangible emotions in the room brought up more emotional stress than I normally operate under. I do know though that those things run close to the surface though and that's part of the story that brought me to you. I actually am amazed that you are able to confront all of that raw emotion and keep yourself so calm. I suppose that's what lunch breaks are for eh?

My dad and his ‘partner’ came to pick me up and I stayed with them for a day. She is a psychologist and uses EFT in her therapy with people who are open to it. Almost immediately after I started trying to explain about the workshop, she said "Oh! She's tapping” It was a good thing because I could ask some of the questions that I wasn't able to ask you and she was very helpful in helping me to process it all.

When I left the workshop, I was completely and emotionally drained. I don't know if you noticed but I didn't do any knitting on Sunday. For me to be able to sit and concentrate for any length of time without fidgeting or having something in my hands is telling in itself. I was a bit overwhelmed and will be doing a great deal of thinking in the coming days.

Sunday night, my dad and I were able to talk about some of our personal issues. I've not had a bad relationship with my dad but we don’t ever really talk much. Mostly we talk at each other. By Monday afternoon, we had fallen back into old patterns, and I found myself in a restaurant bathroom trying to work that out by tapping. I remembered your story about doing the same thing and it made me laugh. Anyway, I thank you for that also because I never would have shared anything personal with him if I hadn't just come from your workshop. On the flip side, he's much more worried about me now. Nobody really knows where I am with all of this crap.

My idea for writing about my journey came from talks with my dad and his girlfriend. I like the idea that these things that I am struggling with and what I am learning to help myself could possibly be of help to others. I will try to continue to write and maybe, someday, I will be able to share my letters.

-Julia

Learning

2010-08-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

If you are new to this thread, please go back to http://www.lindentreephotograph.blogspot.com/2010/08/its-that-time-again.html to start. It will make more sense.

I attended the workshop myself. I tried to get friends to come but no one was able. I wasn't worried about the workshop per se but about the off time. I am shy about meeting new people and the thought of spending the weekend in a hotel room by myself wasn't all that appealing. In the end, it was a good thing that I went alone. I found I had a great deal to think about. I also went out on a limb and joined some ladies at their table for breakfast. By the end of the workshop, I had made some great new friends. The best part is that we have stayed in touch, even formed ourselves a little internet support group. These are friendships that I cherish now.

I really had no idea what to expect from the workshop itself. Much of what I read on Lindsay's home page made no sense to me. I had never heard of Oneness, tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). What I learned made a powerful impression on me. I came away with more hope than I've had in a long time. I learned something so easy yet so powerful. I learned something that was life changing, in more ways than I could have ever imagined.

After the first session, we went for a long walk to think about what I was learning about myself, just me and my camera. When I returned to my room and started looking at the images I had captured, I was amazed that my images reflected the journey that I was on. I would like to share them with you now.

Left Behind

Caged In

Discarded

Hope

Linking Together

The Goal

From this point on, my posts will be letters that I have written as I have tried to incorporate the things that I learned in the workshop, the calming of Oneness and the healing of tapping. The letters were never mailed, never meant to be mailed. I wanted to document the process in the hopes that it would eventually be something helpful to others. The personal format of a letter was the easiest for me to write. And writing to Lindsay seemed natural. Some of the letters are of my personal journey. Some are for your information. Questions and comments are more than welcome.

A Winding Road to Ontario

2010-08-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

I have never been a terribly spiritual person. In fact, I have often 'poo-pooed' alternative medicines, metaphysical healing , holistic treatments, crystals and other 'way out there' things. I don't believe in Divine intervention or pre-destiny. That being said, there have been times in my life where I have found that events that were seemingly random have led me to a specific place and time for what seems to be a reason. One of the strongest feelings I of this kind that I have ever experienced was the convoluted, 7 year long series of random events and crazy decisions that led me to a dive shop in Corvallis Oregon in the summer of 1991. It was there that I met the man who would become my husband, partner and father of my children. Looking back on it, I don't really understand some of the choices I made but I can't for the life of me imagine how my life would have been like without them.

All of that leads me to the next series of events, each random in itself but looked at all together, along with the timing, leads me to believe that I was led to Lindsay Wagner's Quiet the Mind, Open the Heart Workshop in Ontario California on June 5 and 6, 2010. I have been in love with Jaime Sommers since I was 8 years old (really do I have to tell you who she is?!) I have always kept her with me as a friend even though I had not seen an episode of The Bionic Woman in over 20 years. Still, every now and then, I would do an internet search to see what was out there. Imagine my delight when I discovered last fall that full episodes were available online at www.thebionicwoman.com. From there, it was just a short hop to Lindsay's webpage for her seminars and workshops early this spring (www.lindsaywagnerinternational.com).

I do have to admit that the first time I read through the concepts on her webpage, I had my usual reaction, "New Age crap!" IAs the spring went on, I was becoming more and more depressed about my situation (go back to the previous post) and was becoming more and more desperate for a new direction. I found myself drawn back to the webpage more and more often. Although I didn't understand a word of it, I was becoming more and more curious about the ideas she presented and was starting to be convinced that it was something I needed to hear. (I will freely admit that the fact that it was coming from the woman who created my childhood hero was what sold it to me. I mean really? Would my friend Jaime be telling me this if it wasn't something that would help??) Unfortunately, there was no way I could afford to fly to California for a silly workshop (or just to meet Lindsay Wagner?) and the timing sucked.

Over the following weeks, random events started piling up. The weekend freed up. Bob's business trip got canceled. Frequent flyer miles were available. And, the most improbable of all, out of the blue, I received a custom order for dog images from a gentleman in Australia. Not only was the amount of the order the largest I had ever received but, it was just about exactly the amount I would need to pay for the workshop and hotel. Providence or coincidence, it didn't really matter much. I needed to go.

Next: A bit about the workshop experience and the ideas that led me to the following blog.

Its that time again!

2010-08-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

Yep. I'm back. I've been doing some personal writing this summer and I have decided to share it with the 2 of you who actually read my blog. Before I post some of the letters that I have written, I need to let you all in on some background material.

I am 42 years old, married and the mother of 2 wonderful and beautiful girls, now 13 and 8 years old. I have always been active. I grew up swimming in the ocean, surfing and scuba diving. I played soccer for 35 years and played in both high school and in college. I played on rec teams, both indoor and outdoor, sometimes on 2 or 3 teams at a time, for over 20 years. I have played every sport from ice hockey to wheelchair tennis. I taught special education physical education for 17 years. I refereed quad rugby at a national level and coached youth soccer for many years.

For fun, I taught quilting , classes, ran a successful machine quilting business and made some award winning quilts. I have taught myself to be a decent photographer and I'm not a half bad cook. I spent my summers selling my art at farmers' markets and the Portland Saturday Market.

None of this is bragging. I just want you to know where I came from so you can understand where I am today. Three or four years ago, things slowly started to change. I was tired all of the time. I no longer wanted to play soccer and martial arts class that I had breezed through were becoming a challenge. Just getting through my day was becoming more than I could handle. I finally was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I gave up quilting because it hurt my back. I gave up soccer and coaching. I gave up my job and selling at the markets. After 2 years of being medicated up to my eyeballs for depression, anxiety, insomnia, pain and asthma, I began to feel that I was stuck in place and the thought of spending the next 40 or 50 years feeling like crap was overwhelming and depressing. I needed a path to a better place but I had no idea where to start looking. I was waiting for something to happen.

It did.

But you all will have to wait until my next post...

Tshirt designs

2010-04-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

OK friends. We have new game to play. I want to grow the tshirt side of the biz. I will post a design. You all need to tell me, a) is it a good one - be honest here and b) suggest a quote for it. I'm looking for serious and funny quotes. Bonus points if you can make it about pet adoption. The best one will win a free shirt (assuming I ever get around to printing it)

So here is the first for your consideration.

Finishing it up and wrapping it together

2010-04-15T21:43:00.001-07:00

Well friends, its only been a month since I was supposed to have written this post. I need to close this off because I have "the next great idea". Nothing motivates me to finish something more than a new project. Besides I know you (all?) have been waiting anxiously to hear how the project went.

OK. So the challenge ended without much drama. I did finally give in on the last day and hit the grocery store late after karate. It was St. Patricks Day and I only thought it was fair to get something to celebrate. Ended up with Bangers and Mash (totally ignoring the fact that the sausages were Italian and the mashers were pre-made. The soda bread was good.

So what did I learn from this experience. First, I learned that we have WAY too much food in this house! WAY! I didn't hardly make a dent in the freezer let alone the pantry. Turned out we didn't even eat all the food I bought for the week.

The most important lesson I learned from all of this is that my family relies a great deal on fresh fruits and other fresh foods. We ran out of fruit at about day 4. Milk, yogurt and bread were gone before the end of the 10 days. All of us were quite unhappy and a little lost what to eat instead. These are the staples that we depend on for breakfast, lunch and snacks. I will try to use the food we already have when money is tight and replace when things ease up but I can't ever cut it so thin that we have to deprive ourselves of these things.

Day 7 back on track

2010-03-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

I think I slept more than I was awake today. Besides being a bit dopey, I am feeling better. I wouldn't say today was a high nutrition day but we stuck to the plan. The fresh fruit is gone except for some sad looking grapefruits which the kids won't touch. I think they managed on Ramen and toast. For dinner I pulled out a chicken pie I had put away several months ago. It went well with the cake and dark chocolate frosting Jeanne found in the back of the pantry.

DAY 6 - FAIL!!!

2010-03-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

I hate to admit it friends (or friend? anyone? Beuller?) but today was a complete failure. First, in my defense, I want to say that Cadbury eggs are only available for a short time!

It was kind of a crazy day where we went from swimming lessons to gymnastics to a backhandspring clinic to the teens martial arts test. I knew lunch was going to be an issue and I was in no shape to plan ahead after another bad night so, when I stopped for cough medicine, I got the girls some "sale" Lunchables and water (and a big bottle of that amazing elixer Pepsi for myself).

Had my heart set on tacos so we started on that as soon as we got home. Wouldn't you know it, I have enchilada seasoning, chili seasoning, pot roast, Sloppy Joe, borscht and some Indonesian rice seasoning, No taco. Sent the girls to Walgreens with my last $3 cash to get me some.

I made the tacos "old school". You know how your mom made them before we worried about fat? They had that thick orange stuff dripping from them? Lots of cheese. The meat wasn't 7% ground beef and I didn't rinse it either. And you know what??? IT WAS GOOD!

I wonder what we have hiding out in the back of the candy drawer......?

Day 5

2010-03-12T21:26:00.000-08:00

Either this is too easy or I am too sick to notice what the kids are up to. Served spaghetti tonight. Quick and easy. I am just wishing there was some more ice cream. That would be nice.

Day 4

2010-03-11T21:45:00.000-08:00

Day 4 has been mostly a non event. I have been catnapping on the couch all day. Still not feeling well after a rough night. There was enough soup left from last night to feed all 6 hungry mouths. Jeanne made some Bisquick biscuits to go with and it was all good. Tomorrow I will need to put some thought into the meals due to karate classes and testing but we will back to our normal 5 persons. I have noticed that we are quickly running out of dessert like things. Might end up a bit sugar deprived. I wonder how long we can survive with only bad Japanese candy to sate us?

Day 3 of the 10 day food challenge

2010-03-10T21:29:00.000-08:00

Wednesdays are crazy days and on top of that, my "little cough" has turned to a nasty bronchitis. Spent all day at the clinic but I've got what I need (and a free lunch) so things should start moving, so to speak. Tonight I had to go with quick and easy. I threw a whole bunch of root vegies (carrot, turnip, parsnip and rutabaga) plus some celery, mushrooms and broccoli into the turkey broth I made last night. We ended up eating it luke warm at 9:00 tonight. Tasted awesome! Jeanne can eat as much as she wants too. Still enough left overs to maybe serve tomorrow or at least feed me and Bob a couple of lunches.

On a side note, the pears are almost gone and I had to take a whole red bell pepper out of Linden's lunch box this morning to salvage it for the pizza.

Food Challenge Update day 1

2010-03-09T19:16:00.000-08:00

I made a trip to Winco and managed to escape with everything I think I will need plus a raging headache. My only deviations were some sausage and baked beans for tonight, some cottage cheese and a bottle of liquid energy (Pepsi - I deserved it!) My goal was to do it all for under $100. I would have made it except for the cough medicine and the eyeliner for Jeanne (I caved!) And so it begins....oh and I double dog dare the girls to eat all this food in less than 10 days!

The Food Challenge

2010-03-09T13:29:00.001-08:00

All right friends, here is the food challenge. I need to plan 10 meals for 5 people. I want to use mostly things I have here in the house. I can go shopping only once and need to spend the least amount of money possible. In the freezer I have steak, ground beef, chicken breast, chicken strips, ribs, tortellini, a lasagna, a chicken pie and a meatloaf. I have lots of canned goods, tomatoes, beans, broth and all that.

Here is my possibility list:
Turkey and rice soup - I have the bones from the breast I roasted last night. Need fresh vegies.
Chili - just need a couple of cans of black beans
Tacos - have the shells. just need sour cream and tomoatoes
Bean Burritos - will need to get some tortillas. can use sour cream and tomatoes from tacos
Steak - need a side and frozen vegies
Ribs - same as the steak
Chicken Strips - a desperation meal. Need frozen vegies and tater tots
Meatloaf - same as the other meats
Lasagna - need salad
Spaghetti - have all but salad
Tortellini - should have tomato soup and makings for grilled cheese. need salad
Pizza - really just need some turkey pepperoni and a vegie to go with
Pea soup - Bob would really prefer that I not go there
Bacon Sandwiches - assuming the kids have not eaten all the bread, I just need tomatoes
Borscht - bought some powdered soup mix at an Asian store. Usually make from scratch. need sour cream at least.
Stir fry - will probably use frozen vegie mix.
Duck - not sure why I bought it or what I am going to do with it but it is in play

So here we go. Some yogurt, milk and fresh fruit and we should be good to go. Ideas and thoughts are welcome. I will keep you updated on the progress.

Black Bean Burritos

2010-01-14T17:49:00.001-08:00

I can't think of anything I want to write about right now so I figured I would talk about my dinner. I might also throw in a couple of gratuitious photos so beware!

Photo alert!

This recipe happens to be another of my "I'll figure it out when its done" creations. The kids love it and beg for me to make it. Its a great one for busy nights as it only takes a few minutes. As always, measurements are suggestions.

2 cans black beans, drained and rinsed

1 cup water

1 small onion, chopped

1 can green chilies (optional, as in when I have some, they go in)

1 packet burrito seasoning (or you can figure that out yourself but that defeats the purpose of quick and brainless)

brown rice, made ahead or leftover

large flour tortillas

toppings of your choice. sour cream, avacado, tomato, and cheese are a must for me.

throw onions and chilies in with a bit of oil. add beans, water and seasoning packet. Turn up heat and boil water off until fairly thick. Spread rice and beans in tortilla and add your toppings. Plan on a knife and fork because, if you stuff them like I do, you'll need it. Bon Appetit!

An Amazing Tomato Soup Recipe

2009-12-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

You probably don't know this about me but I do like to cook, in spite of all of the whining about having to make dinner. I'm not too bad at it either when I put some effort into it. And, just like I live the rest of my life, I don't follow the recipe's very well. In fact, I don't use them at all. Words that strike fear in my family's hearts is "I'm not sure what we're having. I'm making it up". Run for the hills!!!

As bad as this sounds, what I make usually tastes pretty good and every one eats without too many complaints. Every once in a while, I come up with something really good. I'm pretty proud of this one so I thought I would share it. I plan to do this periodically so you better keep up!

***WARNING***

I do not follow recipes. I cook by smell and taste. I don't measure things and I don't write things down. Measurements are by memory and estimation.

Now, without further hesitation, my "recipe" for an amazing tomato soup!

This soup would be incredible with ripe summer tomoatoes. I had to make do with the "ripened on the vine" ones. At least they were red and smelled like tomato. This recipe made enough for about 10 servings with a side or sandwich. I planned on freezing half of it but we ate it all first. Consider making the full amount or even more and freezing.

4 lbs tomatoes

whole garlic

1/2 or small sweet onion

salt

cayenne

(I used Hot Salt for the cayenne and portion of the salt)

whole pepper corns

oregano

sage

marjoram

1 carton of chicken or vegetable broth (2 cans?)

Run the tomatoes whole through the food processor until almost smooth leaving some chunks for texture (skin, seeds and everything! Don't want to waste any of the nutrition)

pour into large pot. Same with onion.

Smash 2 cloves of garlic and put in. Add broth. Bring to boil. Add seasonings to taste and simmer until flavors are blended. Serve topped with your favorite cheese and a salad or sandwich. Enjoy!

Please let me know if you make this, how it turned out and what modifications you made because I wouldn't want you to do exactly what I did. No fun there!

Here Comes Santa Claus

2009-12-17T14:47:00.001-08:00

OK. So its the week before Christmas (almost). The shopping is DONE!! Even Santa is done with his shopping. Which brings us to my point (assuming there is one in here somewhere). Linden still believes in Santa Claus. She's right on the edge of not believing. Right at that point where she doesn't quite trust the kids who are telling her different things. Right at the point where she has lots of questions. Now if you know Linden, you know that she has LOTS of questions. I think the word is actually 'incessant'? For the past several weeks, we have discussed ad nauseaum how Santa can possibly deliver to all the kids in the world (and believe me, she has more than one angle on this one), why we can't just fly to the North Pole and see Santa and why do kids keep lying to her about The Big Guy not being. To be honest, I am done with Santa. I'm ready to stop playing the game but I don't have the heart to tell her. Her sister is telling her big stories about Mr. Claus and his doings while at the same time slipping that she "knows" was Santa is bringing. Linden is a smart kid. I think this will probably be the last year for Santa, Mr. EB and the tooth fairy. I am trying to enjoy the magic for as long as it lasts. And so is Linden.

Link to where you can find this card : http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=14865605

I learned how to knit and my dog stinks!

2009-10-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

OK. So they're not directly related but both are relevant in my little world right now. First, the dog. Seriously, there is something wrong with this dog. Something very very wrong. As my husband pointed out in an email this morning, the Geneva Convention banned the use of poisonous gas in warfare. Someone forgot to tell Kanji about this. Its a silent weapon he wields well. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this.

As for the knitting, its a longer story with, hopefully, a happier ending. I learned how to knit today - again. Its actually the third time. Sort of.

The problem, you see, is that I am left handed. Its something I've always been proud of. I consider it one of the sources of my power. It is also a tad inconvenient at times. Learning to knit has been one of those times. My mother, who was an amazing knitter among other things, was not able to teach me. I am a kinesthetic learner, meaning I need to put my hands on things to learn. She was never able to figure out how to hold the needles or where to put the thread so that it made sense in my hands.

Many years later, I asked my mother in law, who happens to be left handed, to teach me. The lessons went very well. I learned to do a backwards purl stitch and a purl stitch. Wait. That's not right! Its supposed to be knit, purl. Well, yeah it is but things don't always work that way in my hands. What I thought was a knit stitch was really a purl stitch from the wrong side. By the time I figured this out, the motor patterns were laid and I was pretty much screwed. I got really good at making scarves (if you didn't mind that I had a terrible habit of adding stitches).

I tried my hand at hats with not so positive results so I moved on to something a bit different. I learned to knit on a loom (commonly sold as a Knifty Knitter but I think loom sounds much more grown up). I have become very good at my looms. I can make hats in various shapes and sizes as well as handwarmers and assorted other goodies. For some reason, ok, for speed, I thought I wanted more.

So today I did what everyone does anymore. I went surfing. I logged on to dogpile and I entered "left handed knitting". I found lots of sites that made my eyes glaze over with k2 and p1 and stuff like that. Then I found this site: http://www.theknittingsite.com/index.html If you have ever had thoughts of learning to knit, this is the place to go! Ms. Penny Dablin has a series of videos that show exactly what to do with your fingers and the yarn. And she does it all with a charming accent! What I learned was to knit right handed (I know but it made sense to me) but hold the yarn in my left hand (I believe this is continental knitting?) Its going slowly and I am still adding stitches willy nilly but I seem to have both a knit and a purl going and that is an improvement. Now if I could just find something that will help my dog...

On the Wagon - again

2009-09-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

Well folks, its been 3 months since my last drink. I think this is the longest its been without even a sip since college. I did it mostly for my health, the empty calories I certainly don't need. The feeling of addiction scared me too as well as the withdrawl everytime I tried to quit. It was time to let it go - cold turkey this time. Not that I don't still think about drinking every day. Mornings are the hardest. I still wake up every day thinking about where I can find that first drink. I try to avoid convenience stores as that is where I usually bought my bottles. I always kept a stash in my truck, away from the prying eyes of my husband. I knew he disapproved of how much I drank. I often snuck the empties into the recycling bin on trash days after he left for work. Vacations are hard. I just got back from a roadtrip to Seattle. The late nights and the long drives made me crave my drinks. Yes, I do admit that I drank while I was driving. In fact, my truck was my favorite place to drink. It made the days go better and the drives easier. I admit is been tough, very tough, but I am oh so proud of myself. 90 days without a drink now. Pepsi, you have lost another customer!

Mommy, watch what I can do

2009-08-26T17:09:00.000-07:00

Usually I don't mind those words. Usually it means I'm in for some sort of treat. This afternoon, however, those words kind of made me mad. Why you ask? Because I was in the shower at the time. The expereince prompted me to think about how long its been since I've had any privacy. My oldest daughter just turned 12 so I'd have to say its been about 12 years. I can't even remember the last time I went to the bathroom without the accompanyment of a child or a dog. My 7 year old has some kind of radar where she can sense the lowering of the toilet seat. Its amazing how many drawings, gymnastics moves and karate kicks are perfected in the 30 seconds it takes me to relieve myself. My favorites have to be naps. Today, I was awakened from a dead sleep to explain how to turn the sound up on the stereo. Sometimes, its the yell from the other room, "be quiet, Mom is sleeping!" or how about the whisper in the ear "can I have some candy?" Even now as I write, I have a little mouse sitting half on my lap commenting on everything I write. I love you Linden but please do go away, just for 30 seconds! (and instead of heeding the message, she is correcting my grammar. sigh)

Not really a blog

2009-07-15T17:12:00.000-07:00

This isn't exactly a post that I've put alot of time and thought into. In fact I just ran back to my cottage to use the restroom and refill my water bottle (I think I've had enough wine for now. And just in case you don't know me, that would be about half a glass over the last hour and a half.) While I am enjoying the beautiful weather and laughter of kids, I thought I might share some of the images I have taken here at Glen Lake and the vicinity. I have not yet downloaded the images I have taken so far this year so these are from years past. But then not much changes around here.

Boathouse in Leland MI

Grand Traverse Lighthouse
Northport MI

Grand Traverse Bay from
Leelanau Penninsual

Grand Traverse Bay from
Leelanau Penninsula

Sunset over Little Glen Lake
from the dock at our cottages

Sunset over Sleeping Bear Dunes from
our dock on Little Glen Lake

Images from this year to come at a later date.

Peace out.

I'm not FAT!

2009-07-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

Stamping my feet and waving my fists!!! Really I don't see myself as fat, no matter what the chart in the dr.s office says (actually it says "overweight"). Like anyone my height would ever weigh 130 pounds! (5'8 1/2 if you're wondering). I've always been big. My mother always used to comment on my big hands and wide shoulders (womens jackets and blouses never fit right. Shoulder pads in the 80's were my worst nightmare!) I've always been athletic and I am proud of the muscle that I carry. I'm not by any means a body builder type but I look strong and I am. I am also a bit heavy, I'll admit it. I did lose quite a bit of weight about 5 years ago and I looked pretty good. Unfortunately, with a combonation of anti-depressants and having to cut my activity levels way down and not caring for a couple of years, I have gained about 20 pounds of that back. I intend to work on this when we get back from MI in a couple of weeks (cherry pie is just too much of a temptation!). As much for my looks as for my health and because I will be testing for my black belt in December and any advantage I can give myself will help. All of this (finally!) brings me to my point. Photographs are not my friends!

Ironically, I am a photographer. I (think) I take some amazing photos. I will point my camera at anything but myself. Photos of me never quite match up to my self image. Take last night for example. My baby dog (surrogate babies will be discussed in a future post) was being very cuddly and oh so sweet. I thought she looked adorable and my Twitter friends have never seen what I really look like so I tossed my cell phone to my hubby and had him take a picture. It was HORRIBLE!! Given this was a crappy cell phone camera not my Nikon. And I was slouching. And wearing not the most flattering clothes. And the camera was pointed right at my belly, probably magnifying it 10x. But still.... Really?? Do I really look like that? NO. I refuse to believe that. So in the spirit of fair play, I have edited the image just a tad so that you can see what I really look like (in my head anyway).

Stop eating my cheese!

2009-07-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

You know all of those articles in the womens magazines that give tips on how to get your kids to eat more than mac and cheese and chicken strips? Yeah, I don't have that problem. My kids are good eaters. They always have been. They eat what I give them. Don't get me wrong, they have things they don't like. I do too. But they tried those things before deciding they didn't like them. And they continue to try and have changed thier minds about foods they previously passed on.

I love the stares we get in the super market when my girls beg for artichokes and broccoli and do little dances when I go for the fresh green beans. I was so proud the other night at karate when Linden was eating her chicken curry and brown rice while the other kids were wrinkling their noses at her and when Jeanne filled her bowl at the Mongolian BBQ with tofu. Not to say they don't also beg for cookies and candy and cheese in a can. They do like their chicken strips as well as the next kid. Fortunately they get the difference between "everday" food and "sometimes" food.

All of this leads me to current problem. My cheese problem. The girls and I were trying to think of something to get for dinner last night. Linden suggested Burgerville. Jeanne wanted to go to the new Laotian restaurant. Then Linden asked for a Lunchable which gave me the most wonderful idea for a hot summer night, cheese and fruit! We cruised the cheeses and the produce at Fred Meyer and came hope with watermelon, papaya, pineapple, black grapes, cherries, Greek olives, brie, blue cheese, a hard cheddar and hummus (Jeanne begged for the hummus). Was a perfect dinner except for one thing. They ate all of my cheese.

I found a good ripe brie. That's not easy task around here where everybody seems to like hard, bland brie. This was probably a mistake that didn't get pulled from the shelf or something but I was happy. Finally a full flavored, pungent brie! Surely the kids would pass based on the smell alone. They can have the plastic cheese in the back of the fridge or something. But no. My kids, being the good food eating, taste it before you decide kids, tried my brie. And they liked it. And they ate it. They ate all of it. They ate all of my wonderful, smelly, ripe, expensive brie.

They ate everything else too, just so you know.

So next time you read one of those articles about how to sneak good food into your kid's Spaghettios or make your toddler try something new, think about this..."Do you really want your kids to eat all of your cheese?"

Why I'm crying today

2009-07-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

My friend's father died yesterday. I hoped my best that it wouldn't happen but I knew it would. The little bits of information I had just never sounded right. I thought I was going to be OK when she told me but, when I got the note, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I sat and cried. I didn't know him and I barely know Rebecca but I cried anyway. I cried because I know the pain that she is now going through and I cried because I know that there's nothing that I can do or say that will make it better. I also cried for me and for the people that I love. The whole experience has opened up some barely covered wounds and and emotions I've never dealt with. I cried for my mom who fought for a long time and lost. I cried for my mother in law who is still fighting and for my friend Lisa who is just beginning her fight. I am crying now. I know that my "pretend it isn't happening" defense may seem like I don't want to be involved but its the only way I know how to deal with things like this. Just know that I will be there if you need me. Like I was for my mom and like I wanted to be there for my mom. I can give hugs and tell jokes and I can listen, if you don't mind a bit of wetness.

Sorry Its Been So Long

2009-07-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know. Its been over a year. What happened? Well, its a long story. Too many things and not enough. Mostly insecurity about what I write. Laziness. A hard lesson learned. Why would anybody care? Since I don't imagine anyone actually reading this, I suppose I can write whatever I want. So now I will. Maybe. If I feel like it. And I promise not to delete it a day later. Maybe.

So what's been happining over the last year? Not much but too much to write. I'm still at home. Still not feeling good. Realizing that this probably isn't going to change so trying not to dwell on it. On good days I celebrate. On bad ones, I don't complain too much. I'm walking the dogs and doing my art and loving my family and mostly I am content if not a little bored.

I have lots of ideas for future blogs but most don't come to a point worth sharing. I write them in my head late at night and most never see the light of day. I will think them through more and flesh them out and, maybe share them with you, whoever you may be. (Merrie? Or have you given up on me too?)

-Julia

Giggle story for the day

2008-03-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

This happened last week. I put some toast in the toaster and then told Linden that I was going to go take a shower. She came upstairs a few minutes later and told me that the beeper that tells when dinner is ready was beeping. I thought oven timer or microwave and told her not to worry about it. When I finally came downstairs, she pointed to the smoke alarm and told me that it was beeping. Ack! I think we need to talk about what the smoke alarm is really for!

Happy Easter!!!

2008-03-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

The bunny has come and gone and we're just getting ready to go visit Grandma and Grandpa and get our feast on! It is cold and grey and raining here and its hard to get moving. On the plus side, I added some bindings to some quilts and finished the quilting on another so I will have lots to do with my butt time in the car on the way down. If only wi-fi worked like a cell phone...

I spent alot of time this week loading new images onto my etsy page. Be sure to check them out. Lots of them are single cards and some of the images are new ones that are not featured in a card pack.

Etsy
Buy Handmade
Lindentreephotograph

Win some of my cards!

2008-03-14T14:48:00.001-07:00

Go to http://soapdelinews.com/ to see enter the giveaway.

I'm feeling blue today

2008-03-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

And that's not a bad thing! Last night was the physical test at karate and I passed for my blue belt! I'm excited about that for several reasons. First of all, its one step closer to that ultimate belt - the black! Its been a tough fall and winter for me so being able to physically and mentally get myself to class and to learn what needed to be learned was a challenge. A challenge that, based on last night, I not only passed but conquered! The other reason is a selfish and petty one but I can now poo-poo when the announcers on the poker shows talk about how great Kathy Liebert is because she has a blue belt in karate! Don't know what it is about that lady but she rubs me the wrong way for sure!

Bob also earned his blue belt last night. Jeanne will get hers tonight at graduationa and Linden will get her half orange/half yellow! Her goal is to earn her orange belt and move up to the black belt training class before she turns 6. She is now one belt away and going strong!

My other exciting news is that I have had my image "The Wishing Flower" accepted into The Sixth Street Gallery's April show - Natural Beauty. I am surprised and thrilled to be accepted as they had a huge number of submissions for this show. As much as I like to think that I am confident in my skills as an artist, it is always flattering to know that some one out there thinks my work is worthwhile!

So now you know why I am blue!!!

I posted a handful of new card sets yesterday - all different dogs. Check 'em out and let me know what you think. http://www.lindentreephotograph.etsy.com/

Pay it Forward

2008-03-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

I love this idea! Please join in with me!

“I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, which is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.”I don’t know what my handmade gifts will be, I think it will depend on who it goes too. And chances are, I will get to it a lot sooner than 365 days. This is exciting. And if there is only one who comments, then they get all 3 things! Here’s to Paying It Forward.

Galleries, Saturday Market and Easter

2008-03-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ok. I've decided to put some effort into this thing so I hope there's someone out there listening!

I had my first gallery show opening on Friday night. The show will run the whole month of March so be sure to stop by and see it if you can at the 6th St. Gallery in downtown Vancouver. Back to the show...it was exciting to be there but I'm not sure it was entirely worth it. There just weren't that many people there and the ones who were didn't seem to have questions or want to talk. I did meet some other artists and get to talk photography and stuff like that and it was a good one to start with. Now I know what its like to be in a gallery show (woo hoo!)

This past weekend, Jeanne and I started on a new endeavor - the Portland Saturday Market (totally confusing since its open on Sunday too). I thought Saturday went well despite the worlds worst orientation meeting. My sales weren't too bad and I was pretty happy. Sunday pretty much sucked. OK. It wasn't that bad. I sold 2 cards after the closing bell and that brought it up to somewhat respectable. Somewhat. It just wasn't the amazing numbers I was hoping for from the bigger market. Spring is coming and it can only get better! Despite the loading zone fiasco and being bone tired, it was an OK first weekend.

This coming Sunday, we are going to try out my new "get rich quick" scheme. We are going to set up for portraits at Esther Short Park in Vancouver and try to get some kids and doggies out for Easter portraits. We've been passing out flyers and posting on Craigslist and I'm hoping for a handful of people to show up. Its a great deal. A quick sitting and an 8x10 for $20. I just hope it doesn't rain! Which brings up another thought...how long can this gorgeous weather last?? Just asking.

My first gallery show

2008-03-05T09:18:00.000-08:00

I am VERY excited to announce that I have 2 pieces in my very first gallery show. The opening is this Friday (3-7-08) at the 6th St. Gallery in downtown Vancouver WA. The show will run through March. If you're in the area, please stop by Friday night and say HI.

Guardian Angel