If you are new to this thread, please go back to http://lindentreephotograph.blogspot.com/2010/08/its-that-time-again.html to start. It will make more sense.
6/8/2010
Dear Lindsay,
Back at home
Hi again. Not really intending to send this letter but I am pretty stuck on this idea of writing to you so I need to put it all down so I can let it go. Maybe it will become something. Maybe I’ll get it out of my system in a couple of days when I calm down. Don’t worry, I’m not going to inundate you with emails. Don’t even know what you might think about the whole project. I’m hoping but not really expecting. Anyway, I’m home now. I’m not a nervous flyer but I was doing some tapping just to deal with, what my Dr. calls, “free floating anxiety”. The lady next to me probably thought I was loon but I’m strangely OK with that. Definitely need to find a way to disguise the process. Its pretty good until the chicken wing thing.
Things were so simple in Ontario. Well, not really because I was struggling with the process but I saw so much hope in the simplicity of EFT. Just do it. Work on it. It will eventually get better. I can do that.
Things aren’t quite that easy at home. I came home to my regular schedule of pick ups and drop offs. Three kids going six different directions. Dogs freaking because they haven’t been to the park in four days. A mail box full of over due bills and overdraft statements. Tap tap tap. I can’t drive and do this. Crap. Picking at my nails and now pinching. The picking is normal. The pinching is extreme. I think I am so much more aware of the anxiety right now. Its not your fault but I still feel pretty raw from the weekend. No way to distract myself with knitting or games on my phone. I feel like I need to lock myself in the bathroom and tap all night. One , two and three times is not going to be enough right now. Nobody here to help. No calming aura I can tap into. I feel very much alone right now. I think I shall be working on that while at the girls’ music lessons tonight.
Don’t worry.
Love,
-Julia
A quick note on self injury:
Self injury such as pinching, head banging, biting and cutting are used by people in moments of emotional distress. It’s a form of self medication like alcohol, drugs, over eating, or anything that causes an intense physical response. The basic idea is that physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain. The person will induce pain in order to focus on that sensation instead of the feelings that are troubling them. For me, I use pinching when I feel overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety. I’ve seen head banging and biting frequently when working with children with autism. Many people with autism, especially those who are non verbal, deal with a huge amount of stress, anxiety and confusion in their lives. Without a way to communicate their needs, they internalize to the point where they will either strike out or turn to self abuse to deal with those feelings. Cutting is the same idea but is the extreme. It is most often seen in teenage girls but more boys are starting to cut as well as younger children and adults. When they cut, people often take a knife or razor blade to the inside of their arms or legs and cut to the point of drawing blood. Because it is so extreme, cutting is often a sign of depression and should be addressed by a mental health professional immediately. Without help, kids will continue to cut more frequently until even that no longer works. Many cutters will eventually try to commit suicide.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
The Letters
If you are new to this thread, please go back to http://lindentreephotograph.blogspot.com/2010/08/its-that-time-again.html to start. It will make more sense.
Below are the letters that I have written since attending Lindsay Wagner's Quiet the Mind, Open the Heart workshop in Ontario California.
6/8/2010
Somewhere over
Northern California
Hi Lindsay,
I am writing a first draft here and I have no idea if I will ever send it or not. First things first. I want to say thank you for what you do. Your passion and enthusiasm is contagious and your demeanor is so calm and loving that it feels safe to open up to you. I also really appreciated even the few private minutes you were able to give me. I know you understand that the intensity and tangible emotions in the room brought up more emotional stress than I normally operate under. I do know though that those things run close to the surface though and that's part of the story that brought me to you. I actually am amazed that you are able to confront all of that raw emotion and keep yourself so calm. I suppose that's what lunch breaks are for eh?
My dad and his ‘partner’ came to pick me up and I stayed with them for a day. She is a psychologist and uses EFT in her therapy with people who are open to it. Almost immediately after I started trying to explain about the workshop, she said "Oh! She's tapping” It was a good thing because I could ask some of the questions that I wasn't able to ask you and she was very helpful in helping me to process it all.
When I left the workshop, I was completely and emotionally drained. I don't know if you noticed but I didn't do any knitting on Sunday. For me to be able to sit and concentrate for any length of time without fidgeting or having something in my hands is telling in itself. I was a bit overwhelmed and will be doing a great deal of thinking in the coming days.
Sunday night, my dad and I were able to talk about some of our personal issues. I've not had a bad relationship with my dad but we don’t ever really talk much. Mostly we talk at each other. By Monday afternoon, we had fallen back into old patterns, and I found myself in a restaurant bathroom trying to work that out by tapping. I remembered your story about doing the same thing and it made me laugh. Anyway, I thank you for that also because I never would have shared anything personal with him if I hadn't just come from your workshop. On the flip side, he's much more worried about me now. Nobody really knows where I am with all of this crap.
My idea for writing about my journey came from talks with my dad and his girlfriend. I like the idea that these things that I am struggling with and what I am learning to help myself could possibly be of help to others. I will try to continue to write and maybe, someday, I will be able to share my letters.
-Julia
Below are the letters that I have written since attending Lindsay Wagner's Quiet the Mind, Open the Heart workshop in Ontario California.
6/8/2010
Somewhere over
Northern California
Hi Lindsay,
I am writing a first draft here and I have no idea if I will ever send it or not. First things first. I want to say thank you for what you do. Your passion and enthusiasm is contagious and your demeanor is so calm and loving that it feels safe to open up to you. I also really appreciated even the few private minutes you were able to give me. I know you understand that the intensity and tangible emotions in the room brought up more emotional stress than I normally operate under. I do know though that those things run close to the surface though and that's part of the story that brought me to you. I actually am amazed that you are able to confront all of that raw emotion and keep yourself so calm. I suppose that's what lunch breaks are for eh?
My dad and his ‘partner’ came to pick me up and I stayed with them for a day. She is a psychologist and uses EFT in her therapy with people who are open to it. Almost immediately after I started trying to explain about the workshop, she said "Oh! She's tapping” It was a good thing because I could ask some of the questions that I wasn't able to ask you and she was very helpful in helping me to process it all.
When I left the workshop, I was completely and emotionally drained. I don't know if you noticed but I didn't do any knitting on Sunday. For me to be able to sit and concentrate for any length of time without fidgeting or having something in my hands is telling in itself. I was a bit overwhelmed and will be doing a great deal of thinking in the coming days.
Sunday night, my dad and I were able to talk about some of our personal issues. I've not had a bad relationship with my dad but we don’t ever really talk much. Mostly we talk at each other. By Monday afternoon, we had fallen back into old patterns, and I found myself in a restaurant bathroom trying to work that out by tapping. I remembered your story about doing the same thing and it made me laugh. Anyway, I thank you for that also because I never would have shared anything personal with him if I hadn't just come from your workshop. On the flip side, he's much more worried about me now. Nobody really knows where I am with all of this crap.
My idea for writing about my journey came from talks with my dad and his girlfriend. I like the idea that these things that I am struggling with and what I am learning to help myself could possibly be of help to others. I will try to continue to write and maybe, someday, I will be able to share my letters.
-Julia
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Learning
If you are new to this thread, please go back to http://www.lindentreephotograph.blogspot.com/2010/08/its-that-time-again.html to start. It will make more sense.
I attended the workshop myself. I tried to get friends to come but no one was able. I wasn't worried about the workshop per se but about the off time. I am shy about meeting new people and the thought of spending the weekend in a hotel room by myself wasn't all that appealing. In the end, it was a good thing that I went alone. I found I had a great deal to think about. I also went out on a limb and joined some ladies at their table for breakfast. By the end of the workshop, I had made some great new friends. The best part is that we have stayed in touch, even formed ourselves a little internet support group. These are friendships that I cherish now.
I really had no idea what to expect from the workshop itself. Much of what I read on Lindsay's home page made no sense to me. I had never heard of Oneness, tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). What I learned made a powerful impression on me. I came away with more hope than I've had in a long time. I learned something so easy yet so powerful. I learned something that was life changing, in more ways than I could have ever imagined.
After the first session, we went for a long walk to think about what I was learning about myself, just me and my camera. When I returned to my room and started looking at the images I had captured, I was amazed that my images reflected the journey that I was on. I would like to share them with you now.
Left Behind
Caged In
Discarded
Hope
Linking Together
The Goal
From this point on, my posts will be letters that I have written as I have tried to incorporate the things that I learned in the workshop, the calming of Oneness and the healing of tapping. The letters were never mailed, never meant to be mailed. I wanted to document the process in the hopes that it would eventually be something helpful to others. The personal format of a letter was the easiest for me to write. And writing to Lindsay seemed natural. Some of the letters are of my personal journey. Some are for your information. Questions and comments are more than welcome.
I attended the workshop myself. I tried to get friends to come but no one was able. I wasn't worried about the workshop per se but about the off time. I am shy about meeting new people and the thought of spending the weekend in a hotel room by myself wasn't all that appealing. In the end, it was a good thing that I went alone. I found I had a great deal to think about. I also went out on a limb and joined some ladies at their table for breakfast. By the end of the workshop, I had made some great new friends. The best part is that we have stayed in touch, even formed ourselves a little internet support group. These are friendships that I cherish now.
I really had no idea what to expect from the workshop itself. Much of what I read on Lindsay's home page made no sense to me. I had never heard of Oneness, tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). What I learned made a powerful impression on me. I came away with more hope than I've had in a long time. I learned something so easy yet so powerful. I learned something that was life changing, in more ways than I could have ever imagined.
After the first session, we went for a long walk to think about what I was learning about myself, just me and my camera. When I returned to my room and started looking at the images I had captured, I was amazed that my images reflected the journey that I was on. I would like to share them with you now.
Left Behind
Caged In
Discarded
Hope
Linking Together
The Goal
From this point on, my posts will be letters that I have written as I have tried to incorporate the things that I learned in the workshop, the calming of Oneness and the healing of tapping. The letters were never mailed, never meant to be mailed. I wanted to document the process in the hopes that it would eventually be something helpful to others. The personal format of a letter was the easiest for me to write. And writing to Lindsay seemed natural. Some of the letters are of my personal journey. Some are for your information. Questions and comments are more than welcome.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A Winding Road to Ontario
I have never been a terribly spiritual person. In fact, I have often 'poo-pooed' alternative medicines, metaphysical healing , holistic treatments, crystals and other 'way out there' things. I don't believe in Divine intervention or pre-destiny. That being said, there have been times in my life where I have found that events that were seemingly random have led me to a specific place and time for what seems to be a reason. One of the strongest feelings I of this kind that I have ever experienced was the convoluted, 7 year long series of random events and crazy decisions that led me to a dive shop in Corvallis Oregon in the summer of 1991. It was there that I met the man who would become my husband, partner and father of my children. Looking back on it, I don't really understand some of the choices I made but I can't for the life of me imagine how my life would have been like without them.
All of that leads me to the next series of events, each random in itself but looked at all together, along with the timing, leads me to believe that I was led to Lindsay Wagner's Quiet the Mind, Open the Heart Workshop in Ontario California on June 5 and 6, 2010. I have been in love with Jaime Sommers since I was 8 years old (really do I have to tell you who she is?!) I have always kept her with me as a friend even though I had not seen an episode of The Bionic Woman in over 20 years. Still, every now and then, I would do an internet search to see what was out there. Imagine my delight when I discovered last fall that full episodes were available online at www.thebionicwoman.com. From there, it was just a short hop to Lindsay's webpage for her seminars and workshops early this spring (www.lindsaywagnerinternational.com).
I do have to admit that the first time I read through the concepts on her webpage, I had my usual reaction, "New Age crap!" IAs the spring went on, I was becoming more and more depressed about my situation (go back to the previous post) and was becoming more and more desperate for a new direction. I found myself drawn back to the webpage more and more often. Although I didn't understand a word of it, I was becoming more and more curious about the ideas she presented and was starting to be convinced that it was something I needed to hear. (I will freely admit that the fact that it was coming from the woman who created my childhood hero was what sold it to me. I mean really? Would my friend Jaime be telling me this if it wasn't something that would help??) Unfortunately, there was no way I could afford to fly to California for a silly workshop (or just to meet Lindsay Wagner?) and the timing sucked.
Over the following weeks, random events started piling up. The weekend freed up. Bob's business trip got canceled. Frequent flyer miles were available. And, the most improbable of all, out of the blue, I received a custom order for dog images from a gentleman in Australia. Not only was the amount of the order the largest I had ever received but, it was just about exactly the amount I would need to pay for the workshop and hotel. Providence or coincidence, it didn't really matter much. I needed to go.
Next: A bit about the workshop experience and the ideas that led me to the following blog.
All of that leads me to the next series of events, each random in itself but looked at all together, along with the timing, leads me to believe that I was led to Lindsay Wagner's Quiet the Mind, Open the Heart Workshop in Ontario California on June 5 and 6, 2010. I have been in love with Jaime Sommers since I was 8 years old (really do I have to tell you who she is?!) I have always kept her with me as a friend even though I had not seen an episode of The Bionic Woman in over 20 years. Still, every now and then, I would do an internet search to see what was out there. Imagine my delight when I discovered last fall that full episodes were available online at www.thebionicwoman.com. From there, it was just a short hop to Lindsay's webpage for her seminars and workshops early this spring (www.lindsaywagnerinternational.com).
I do have to admit that the first time I read through the concepts on her webpage, I had my usual reaction, "New Age crap!" IAs the spring went on, I was becoming more and more depressed about my situation (go back to the previous post) and was becoming more and more desperate for a new direction. I found myself drawn back to the webpage more and more often. Although I didn't understand a word of it, I was becoming more and more curious about the ideas she presented and was starting to be convinced that it was something I needed to hear. (I will freely admit that the fact that it was coming from the woman who created my childhood hero was what sold it to me. I mean really? Would my friend Jaime be telling me this if it wasn't something that would help??) Unfortunately, there was no way I could afford to fly to California for a silly workshop (or just to meet Lindsay Wagner?) and the timing sucked.
Over the following weeks, random events started piling up. The weekend freed up. Bob's business trip got canceled. Frequent flyer miles were available. And, the most improbable of all, out of the blue, I received a custom order for dog images from a gentleman in Australia. Not only was the amount of the order the largest I had ever received but, it was just about exactly the amount I would need to pay for the workshop and hotel. Providence or coincidence, it didn't really matter much. I needed to go.
Next: A bit about the workshop experience and the ideas that led me to the following blog.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Its that time again!
Yep. I'm back. I've been doing some personal writing this summer and I have decided to share it with the 2 of you who actually read my blog. Before I post some of the letters that I have written, I need to let you all in on some background material.
I am 42 years old, married and the mother of 2 wonderful and beautiful girls, now 13 and 8 years old. I have always been active. I grew up swimming in the ocean, surfing and scuba diving. I played soccer for 35 years and played in both high school and in college. I played on rec teams, both indoor and outdoor, sometimes on 2 or 3 teams at a time, for over 20 years. I have played every sport from ice hockey to wheelchair tennis. I taught special education physical education for 17 years. I refereed quad rugby at a national level and coached youth soccer for many years.
For fun, I taught quilting , classes, ran a successful machine quilting business and made some award winning quilts. I have taught myself to be a decent photographer and I'm not a half bad cook. I spent my summers selling my art at farmers' markets and the Portland Saturday Market.
None of this is bragging. I just want you to know where I came from so you can understand where I am today. Three or four years ago, things slowly started to change. I was tired all of the time. I no longer wanted to play soccer and martial arts class that I had breezed through were becoming a challenge. Just getting through my day was becoming more than I could handle. I finally was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I gave up quilting because it hurt my back. I gave up soccer and coaching. I gave up my job and selling at the markets. After 2 years of being medicated up to my eyeballs for depression, anxiety, insomnia, pain and asthma, I began to feel that I was stuck in place and the thought of spending the next 40 or 50 years feeling like crap was overwhelming and depressing. I needed a path to a better place but I had no idea where to start looking. I was waiting for something to happen.
It did.
But you all will have to wait until my next post...
I am 42 years old, married and the mother of 2 wonderful and beautiful girls, now 13 and 8 years old. I have always been active. I grew up swimming in the ocean, surfing and scuba diving. I played soccer for 35 years and played in both high school and in college. I played on rec teams, both indoor and outdoor, sometimes on 2 or 3 teams at a time, for over 20 years. I have played every sport from ice hockey to wheelchair tennis. I taught special education physical education for 17 years. I refereed quad rugby at a national level and coached youth soccer for many years.
For fun, I taught quilting , classes, ran a successful machine quilting business and made some award winning quilts. I have taught myself to be a decent photographer and I'm not a half bad cook. I spent my summers selling my art at farmers' markets and the Portland Saturday Market.
None of this is bragging. I just want you to know where I came from so you can understand where I am today. Three or four years ago, things slowly started to change. I was tired all of the time. I no longer wanted to play soccer and martial arts class that I had breezed through were becoming a challenge. Just getting through my day was becoming more than I could handle. I finally was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I gave up quilting because it hurt my back. I gave up soccer and coaching. I gave up my job and selling at the markets. After 2 years of being medicated up to my eyeballs for depression, anxiety, insomnia, pain and asthma, I began to feel that I was stuck in place and the thought of spending the next 40 or 50 years feeling like crap was overwhelming and depressing. I needed a path to a better place but I had no idea where to start looking. I was waiting for something to happen.
It did.
But you all will have to wait until my next post...
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tshirt designs
OK friends. We have new game to play. I want to grow the tshirt side of the biz. I will post a design. You all need to tell me, a) is it a good one - be honest here and b) suggest a quote for it. I'm looking for serious and funny quotes. Bonus points if you can make it about pet adoption. The best one will win a free shirt (assuming I ever get around to printing it)
So here is the first for your consideration.
So here is the first for your consideration.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Finishing it up and wrapping it together
Well friends, its only been a month since I was supposed to have written this post. I need to close this off because I have "the next great idea". Nothing motivates me to finish something more than a new project. Besides I know you (all?) have been waiting anxiously to hear how the project went.
OK. So the challenge ended without much drama. I did finally give in on the last day and hit the grocery store late after karate. It was St. Patricks Day and I only thought it was fair to get something to celebrate. Ended up with Bangers and Mash (totally ignoring the fact that the sausages were Italian and the mashers were pre-made. The soda bread was good.
So what did I learn from this experience. First, I learned that we have WAY too much food in this house! WAY! I didn't hardly make a dent in the freezer let alone the pantry. Turned out we didn't even eat all the food I bought for the week.
The most important lesson I learned from all of this is that my family relies a great deal on fresh fruits and other fresh foods. We ran out of fruit at about day 4. Milk, yogurt and bread were gone before the end of the 10 days. All of us were quite unhappy and a little lost what to eat instead. These are the staples that we depend on for breakfast, lunch and snacks. I will try to use the food we already have when money is tight and replace when things ease up but I can't ever cut it so thin that we have to deprive ourselves of these things.
OK. So the challenge ended without much drama. I did finally give in on the last day and hit the grocery store late after karate. It was St. Patricks Day and I only thought it was fair to get something to celebrate. Ended up with Bangers and Mash (totally ignoring the fact that the sausages were Italian and the mashers were pre-made. The soda bread was good.
So what did I learn from this experience. First, I learned that we have WAY too much food in this house! WAY! I didn't hardly make a dent in the freezer let alone the pantry. Turned out we didn't even eat all the food I bought for the week.
The most important lesson I learned from all of this is that my family relies a great deal on fresh fruits and other fresh foods. We ran out of fruit at about day 4. Milk, yogurt and bread were gone before the end of the 10 days. All of us were quite unhappy and a little lost what to eat instead. These are the staples that we depend on for breakfast, lunch and snacks. I will try to use the food we already have when money is tight and replace when things ease up but I can't ever cut it so thin that we have to deprive ourselves of these things.
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