Thursday, July 2, 2009

Why I'm crying today

My friend's father died yesterday. I hoped my best that it wouldn't happen but I knew it would. The little bits of information I had just never sounded right. I thought I was going to be OK when she told me but, when I got the note, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I sat and cried. I didn't know him and I barely know Rebecca but I cried anyway. I cried because I know the pain that she is now going through and I cried because I know that there's nothing that I can do or say that will make it better. I also cried for me and for the people that I love. The whole experience has opened up some barely covered wounds and and emotions I've never dealt with. I cried for my mom who fought for a long time and lost. I cried for my mother in law who is still fighting and for my friend Lisa who is just beginning her fight. I am crying now. I know that my "pretend it isn't happening" defense may seem like I don't want to be involved but its the only way I know how to deal with things like this. Just know that I will be there if you need me. Like I was for my mom and like I wanted to be there for my mom. I can give hugs and tell jokes and I can listen, if you don't mind a bit of wetness.

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